Eglinton LRT to be far above ground; Weston to be airship terminal

Rob Ford made a surprising announcement today: he is cancelling the Eglinton LRT.

Ford said,

Folks, I said it before, but I’ll say it again. The war on the car is over. These light rail trolleys, they’re a mess. They’re a disaster. So I’ve decided to replace them with a new transit system: airships. Futuristic airships. Taxpayers and motorists are going to love it.

Doug Ford, the mayor’s brother, filled in the details. The LRT will now be on zeppelins, which, because they are in international airspace, will allow drinking and gambling. The bar and gambling profits will mean, he said, that “Taxpayers aren’t going to pay a dime.”

Metrolinx had a surprise announcement too. They will be building the western terminal in Weston. Operatives delivered letters to residents overnight explaining the lottery that Metrolinx envisions: On April 1 of 2013, twelve children will be chosen at random from all the families in Weston to compete in a televised battle. The lone survivor’s family will be able to keep their house. All the others will be expropriated to be turned into airship filling stations.

Metrolinx will be hosting an open house early next month. Residents will be able provide input on the outfits the contestants can wear.

Author: Adam Norman

I am raising my two children in Weston.

One thought on “Eglinton LRT to be far above ground; Weston to be airship terminal”

  1. WestonWeb has taken over City Hall, and not a moment too soon!

    Why not train those contestants to pole dance and save on hiring future Vivians to show the councillors what they’re voting on?

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