I should go pro and start writing for money. How hard could it really be? There are only four kinds of story: tragedy, satire, comedy, and adventure, and Mayor Ford writes the first three genres for me.
The last is a bit tricky, but I’ve cottoned onto how the big players do it downtown: once a year they strap on their MEC messenger bags, straighten out their ironic thick-rimmed glasses, tighten up their Blundstones, and venture out to the burbs to marvel at how surprisingly-not-bad things are out here. We have restaurants! And immigrants! And it’s not that hard to get here! I mean Queens and Jane is no Queen and John, but, all in all, we are surprisingly civilized!
I figured it out after the latest piece in The Star. They had many kind, if slightly paternalistic, things to say about our fair village. Be prepared to show the crowds of lost tourists from downtown around–we are the newest and hottest staycation destination. Just be sure to talk slow–they may not understand your accent.
Thanks to Christian and the Twitterer I’ve lost track of for the tip.